Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Marriage Bureau for Alpha Males who want to protect themselves from gold diggers

I have often thought of starting a marriage bureau for men who want a wife but don't want to be ripped off. They would be alpha or alpha-ish males who would insist on a marriage contract and a wife who would agree, before courtship even began, to such a thing. I don't see why it wouldn't work, except that men these days seem a bit shy of discussing these things, because they have themselves become girls, and are either dithering about getting married or simply hoping for the best. 

I would have thought negotiating the contract would reveal much of each other's characters sooner rather than later, and all information is useful in deciding whether to go ahead with probably the most important contract of your life.

4 comments:

Adolfo said...

Andromeda,
Courtship? Love is overrated, biochemically is not different from taking large quantities of chocolate. Just get the bitch to… Sorry, the girl to sign the contract and spank her once in a while to show her who has the upper hand.
Yours.
P. S. How are you going to name your business? “Secular Koranic Bureau of Marriage Settlements”? “Marriage K-Mart”?

Claire Khaw said...

The Marriage Brokerage sounds good to me.

Claire Khaw said...

I wonder if I should offer a supply of adolescent girls from respectable backgrounds who could reasonably be expected to still be virgins and who are pretty certain they want to be mothers and housewives.

Adolfo said...

Andromeda,
Sure thing, and you can cash nicely for such a service. However you have to be careful about some details. First, when assembling your database of marriageable young women, don’t allow the girls to write their own profiles because they are going to fuck it up with lines such as ‘I am looking for my other half’, ‘I like to watch romantic movies’, ‘I gave my first kiss when I was 15’, ‘I have a cat named Garfield and it’s such a cuttie’. Second, you should draft five different marriage contracts and every girl has to read and understand all of them, and then choose one and sign it before being integrated to the catalogue and introduced to any man interested in her.
The whole thing would work like this.
A database of young women willing to marry would be integrated. A personal profile for every girl would be created indicating her physical description and background; posting some photos taken by the agency and pointing the contract she’s already signed. They will not be cashed for this service. According to the contract of her choice every woman would be given a category. A girl choosing Contract #3 would be given the tag Girl Type #3, and would be integrated to Catalogue #3. The age range for a woman to be integrated in the catalogue would be from 15 to 35 years old. Girls under 18 would be required her parents’ written permission in every step of the process.
Upper middle single men interested in getting married would have access to the agency’s services through the payment of a registration fee. Such a payment would allow them to getting to know the five different marriage contracts the girls are willing to be part of, and getting access to the girls’ profiles according to the contract every man is interested in. According to the contract of his choice every male would be given a category. A male choosing Contract #1 would be given the tag Male Type #1, and would be given access to Catalogue #1. The age range for a male to be integrated in the catalogue would be from 30 to 50 years old.
Once a man has reviewed the catalogue according to his category, he would choose the girl(s) he’s interested in meeting. No male would not be introduced to a girl different from his category, it doesn’t make any sense to introduce a Girl Type #1 to a Man Type #4. For every girl introduced to him, every male client would have to pay a fee.
Once introduced, the male would have a right to a dating period of 30 days or a maximum of 7 dates (whichever happens first) to propose. Any male or female will not be allowed to be dating more than two prospects at the same time. If the dating period is over and an engagement hasn’t been reached, the couple would be declared incompatible and they will not be allowed to continue dating. This is not a soap opera with multiple story twists, neither a TV sitcom with endless comic situations, nor a romantic novel describing a threesome on a Caribbean beach at moonlight. This is business! And time is money!
If a male proposes to a girl and she accepts his proposal, the Agency’s attorneys along with both parties will have a meeting to ratify and polish the Marriage Contract both parties have previously agreed. Once the parties agree with the final draft the Contract would be signed. The girl’s profile would be deleted from the Catalogue and any male previously interested in her would be given immediate notice that the girl is no longer available. The contract between both parties and the Agency would be declared finished, and the male would be cashed a fee for such.