Question for A A Gill

Dear A A Gill

I hope to interest you in commenting on the domestic partnership, elaborated at

Your recent piece on Seventy Thirty suggests that you may have more to say on the subject of long-term relationships. That it ended "A A Gill is 54" suggests that you may even now be single and looking. (Should this be so, it may interest you to know that I fall within recommended age range of 10 years' difference.)

I am unclear about your current relationship status but believe it would interest you to know that my Speedier Dating for the Already Grown-Up idea has the following goals:

a) finding out the worst of your potential partner as soon as possible

b) revealing the worst of yourself to your potential partner as soon as possible

c) treating negotiation (of the terms of the domestic partnership) as a substitute for courtship

This could be done through -

i) discussing previous relationships and conducting a post mortem on why they failed, to include apportioning blame in the hope of displaying honesty, self-knowledge and fairness

ii) stating one's minimum expectations of a relationship in a way that will not put off too many prospects

iii) discussing one's views on optional sex and optional fidelity

iv) discussing religion and politics at every available opportunity to draw out any objectionable and "deal-breaker" views from the other

To be honest, I regard myself as a would-be gold-digger - an honest one who would like to give value for money to someone who would find the idea of optional sex and optional fidelity attractively honest, rather than instantly unappealing.

It is not that I am promiscuous or compulsively unfaithful. It is just that I prize domestic harmony and friendship more highly than sex and fidelity, and hope that there may be like-minded others who will share this view.

The wealthy refuser that is your friend described in the first paragraph of your piece may well be interested to know that the domestic partnership is created precisely to avoid people like him being taken to the cleaners by divorce, also known as the most rewarding non-job a woman could hope to have.

I hope you will draw his attention to this blog so that he can make further enquiries, should he feel so inclined.

Trusting that you will soon find the words to tell me what you think.


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