The Battlefield of Love

Dear A A Gill I hope to interest you in commenting on the domestic partnership, elaborated at http://thebattlefieldoflove.blogspot.com/2008/12/domestic-partnership.html Your recent piece on Seventy Thirty suggests that you may have more to say on the subject of long-term relationships. That it ended "A A Gill is 54" suggests that you may even now be single and looking. (Should this be so, it may interest you to know that I fall within recommended age range of 10 years' difference.) I am unclear about your current relationship status but believe it would interest you to know that my Speedier Dating for the Already Grown-Up idea has the following goals: a) finding out the worst of your potential partner as soon as possible b) revealing the worst of yourself to your potential partner as soon as possible c) treating negotiation (of the terms of the domestic partnership) as a substitute for courtship This could be done through - i) discussing previous relationships and conduct...

The idea of the Domestic Partnership is not to negate the idea of romance but to save time and trouble. As I have said, sex and fidelity is optional and can never be the ostensible reason to enter into or dissolve such a partnership. One is therefore left with the practical social and economic reasons for forming such a partnership. If romance flutters into such a relationship, it would be a delightful extra. The conventional romantic view presupposes that romance should exist or even be manufactured and faked in order to justify such a relationship and be used to end it. It is really speed-dating for grownups. Instead of courtship you have negotiations . This saves the woman from having sex with the man on spec and the man from spending his resources on hospitality and entertainment on women merely to test drive them, so to speak. It would certainly be more economical, efficient and time-saving than conventional "romantic" methods. http://thebattlefieldoflove.blogspot.com/...

I am now formally declaring that I have given up on love in the romantic sense, but not on love in the platonic and more enduring sense. Applications for the vacancy of a Domestic Partner - a cross between a housemate, critical friend and business partner - are invited. Sex and fidelity are optional, ie neither compulsory nor prohibited. Each "transaction" is deemed to be a one-off so that both parties are kept on their toes. There would be no assumption that either party would be spending, for example, St Valentine's Day with each other as a matter of course. So few people like this idea that the person, male or female, who says to me "My word, this is just the sort of relationship I have been looking for all my life!" without a hint of irony or sarcasm, would probably be The One . Domestic Partnership - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_partnership

Sir Stuart Rose Marks & Spencer Waterside House 35 North Wharf Road London W2 1NW 11 June 2010 Dear Sir Stuart DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” But I have something even better than that to offer you. http://thebattlefieldoflove.blogspot.com/search?q=domestic+partnership It is a contract of cohabitation with optional sex and optional fidelity. This means it is neither prohibited nor compulsory. Such a contract cannot be entered into with the intention of having a physical relationship, nor can it be terminated on grounds relating to any physical relationship that may arise. It is contracted purely for reasons of convenience, economy, companionship and security. While I am aware you may not wish for such a limited contract, I do assure you that it has great potential and offers greater protection for the assets of the wealthier partner. I am responsible for: http://www.1party...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1281640/Case-forces-judges-warn-unmarried-couples-Plan-possibility-split-up.html That is why my idea for the Domestic Partnership should take off. But most men don't get it and most women think it works against their interests. It basically means you move in after agreeing on what you expect of each other. Should the relationship break up you take away what's yours. Because it is a condition of the Domestic Partnership that Sex and Fidelity are optional, these two reasons alone cannot ever be cited as a reason for the break-up to get a better deal for yourself or a worse deal for your former partner. For once bitten twice shy singletons who have homes and spare rooms .

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1203076/Is-ONE-straight-kind-solvent-single-man-40s-left-Britain.html Anna Pasternak asks, "Is there even one straight kind, solvent, single man in his 40s left in Britain?" Perhaps, but not one looking for a woman in her 40s! If I were the man she describes, I would know I could command the favours of a woman in her 20s - more body beautiful, compliant and grateful for my attentions. I think Anna and her ilk would probably prefer a man in his 60s, with a bit of dosh, or a toyboy in his 20s, for a bit of action. Bit of a shame that you can't get both in one bod, but there it is: that's life. The man who drew this to my attention also remarked: "I think all women are lesbians for 26 days of every month and whores for the other two days, whenever they come on heat." If this is indeed true, then lesbianism might be what the 300 women Anna lectured in her recent Hope After Heartbreak would have to take up. Fortunately, ...

http://www.socresonline.org.uk/11/3/macvarish.html "One interviewee described a point in her life when she felt acutely that she was not the ‘most important person to anybody’. " "Bridget’s melodramatic vision of herself dying ‘fat and alone, and found three weeks later half-eaten by Alsatians’ (Fielding, 1996) was spontaneously repeated with some seriousness by a number of the respondents, who related it to their own real experiences of being ill while living alone. These periods of sickness had forced issues of care into sharp relief, for although these were all short-lived, everyday illnesses, they had inspired visions of old age." "The idea that there has been a ‘high price of liberation’, most often articulated through the ‘myth of having it all’ are now firmly established in the discussion of female equality." " ... they risk being assessed as failures; emotionally cold or dysfunctional. " "the ‘single girl’ tag is more difficult to cl...

Andrew Slade, whose marital status is uncertain, emailed me this day: I came across this MS poem in a National Trust House at the weekend; attributed 2 Jane Taylor (1783-1824) "The Lavenham poetess". But it might as well b entitled "The Disillusioned Husband", written at the height of the Age of Romanticism: unrealistic expectations unrealised! Please post it under my real name, THE DISILLUSIONED BRIDE The twentieth week is well-nigh past, Since first in Church we two were asked: Oh! Would we had not gone at last. =My husband. Thy kindness has a fainter blow, I see thee daily cooler grow, How canst thou bear to serve me so? =My husband. And when sometimes thou wouldst fulfill Some little office for me still, Thy love now seconds not thy will. =My husband. Safely thou showest a tyrant's heart, For Hymen's thread with cruel art Hath bound us so we must not part. =My husband. Thy unpolite expressions seem With no affection now to team And never are my charms...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1167826/Want-chat-chap-Cut-small-talk-say-scientists.html So, men are so frightened and clueless now that they cannot respond to subtle female signs of interest and encouragement unless it is something as unambiguous as "Fancy dinner?" "Can I give you my number?" "Do you have plans later?" "What are you up to tonight?" "Your place or mine?" So it's official then. British men now secretly want to dress like women and sit around in bars looking "new-manly" while waiting for women to chat them up. Their pretty fluffy little heads are now incapable of dealing with such things as ambiguity, risk of rejection and the basics of male courtship that even lower animals know they must perform if they desire the opportunity to sexually reproduce. I wonder if the problem is anything to do with the fact that most British women are now so "liberated" that they think being promiscuo...

My letter should reach him today. I am eagerly awaiting his response.

It is proposed that single females/males contract with each other to perform services such as those listed below, as considered appropriate by the contracting couple. (1) friend (2) house-mate (3) sex partner (4) spouse (5) civil partner (6) business partner (7) housekeeper (8) butler (9) companion (10) nanny (11) cook (12) provider (13) protector (14) DIY expert (15) co-parent Its terms will be treated as terms of a contract. Breach of these terms will result in damages being payable. Damages incurred may be set off against the divorce settlement, unless waived. An Impartial Friend to The Couple will be appointed by mutual consent. Both parties are advised to consult this Impartial Friend should the need arise. The Impartial Friend to the Couple becomes The Impartial Friend to the Family once there is offspring. The role of this Impartial Friend of the Family is to (a) support the integrity of family life (b) adjudicate on marital disputes (c) take into account the best interests of a...