Female shock troops of the Chinese Army

"Talent shows are necessary when recruiting women," Commander Wang Qian of the People's Liberation Army told a press conference in Haidian, "because female solders are a special element of the armed forces. As of this month, the standard army interview for women will consist of a short self-introduction, then a question-and-answer period, followed by a talent show during which the applicant can dance, sing, or display other skills. There are more female applicants than there are places, and the PLA doesn't only want woman who are intelligent, we want candidates who are great in every field."

Some aspiring female officers objected when they were told that they (unlike male applicants) would be required to display a physical talent as part of their interview. "I was shocked by the new talent show test when I first heard about it," sand Zhang Jing from Beijing Union University, before eventually agreeing to recite a piece of poetry. Law graduate Zhang Wenbian added that "At first I thought the talent show was a little unnecessary. But after singing in front of nine judges I changed my mind, because it gave me a chance to display my other skills."

Wang Bosheng of the judging panel said that "it is amazing to see so many pretty girls with such great gifts. I personally believe that this talent show is essential. It was completely my idea and I believe that it will help us to selected the most eligible women for the army."

Private Eye No 1254 - 22 January - 4 February 2010
(China Daily, 30/11/09: Spotter: Andy Clayton)

I now know what the Chinese government is up to: world domination by means of feminine seduction.

Instead of invading foreign countries with their male army, they will send their women first.

It is possible that a significant minority of men watching the video of the women in red marching and strutting their stuff will probably welcome a whole army of them entering their country and taking them prisoner.

Such a man will probably fantasise about the rough treatment that would be meted out to him while being forced to learn Mandarin tied naked to a bed repeatedly raped and forced to spill his seed.

Any mistakes in pronunciation will result in having his face slapped by a well-manicured female hand.

Mistakes in intonation will result in having his hair pulled quite hard by slender feminine fingers.

After enough mistakes have been made and punished there will be an inevitable tumescence and ejaculation.

Watched by the other female soldiers, the most senior, beautiful, intelligent and talented one will mount this helpless and captive man, not even bothering to remove her tunic whose military stiffness will chafe his face while this unspeakable act is being performed on him. He will be ridden roughly and ruthlessly until he spills his seed in her.

Once impregnation is confirmed they are to be regarded as engaged.

Once the child is born his official position will be that of her sex slave and househusband for which the white European male is now trained properly in this country with schools that teach British boys mostly about sex ed and cookery but little else.

Thus is how I imagine the new blended master race will be created.