Friday, 29 January 2010

Meal Tickets and Sex Objects, Prostitutes and Punters

Men are meal tickets, women are sex objects.

Marriage is intended to be a long-term partnership of a prostitute and a punter who each hope that their children will turn out to be a good investment.

If we remember this, we are less likely to be disappointed.

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Cameron says PC things about LGBTs. Cameron not a Conservative, merely a conman who leads it.

While I have no trouble admitting that a civil partnership is intended to confer upon a gay couple the same rights a heterosexual couple would have against each other, in that when one of the dies the other takes free of inheritance tax, I think both gay and straight people would prefer it if the government just abolished inheritance tax together with the civil partnership.

While homosexuality is as normal and natural as recreational sex, it would seem appropriate to acknowledge the heterosexual married couple who brings up the next generation are worthier than those who do not bother getting married before getting pregnant, who marry in haste and repent at leisure, or who decide not to bother with offspring, either because they can't, or won't.

Friday, 22 January 2010

Female shock troops of the Chinese Army

"Talent shows are necessary when recruiting women," Commander Wang Qian of the People's Liberation Army told a press conference in Haidian, "because female solders are a special element of the armed forces. As of this month, the standard army interview for women will consist of a short self-introduction, then a question-and-answer period, followed by a talent show during which the applicant can dance, sing, or display other skills. There are more female applicants than there are places, and the PLA doesn't only want woman who are intelligent, we want candidates who are great in every field."

Some aspiring female officers objected when they were told that they (unlike male applicants) would be required to display a physical talent as part of their interview. "I was shocked by the new talent show test when I first heard about it," sand Zhang Jing from Beijing Union University, before eventually agreeing to recite a piece of poetry. Law graduate Zhang Wenbian added that "At first I thought the talent show was a little unnecessary. But after singing in front of nine judges I changed my mind, because it gave me a chance to display my other skills."

Wang Bosheng of the judging panel said that "it is amazing to see so many pretty girls with such great gifts. I personally believe that this talent show is essential. It was completely my idea and I believe that it will help us to selected the most eligible women for the army."

Private Eye No 1254 - 22 January - 4 February 2010
(China Daily, 30/11/09: Spotter: Andy Clayton)

I now know what the Chinese government is up to: world domination by means of feminine seduction.

Instead of invading foreign countries with their male army, they will send their women first.

It is possible that a significant minority of men watching the video of the women in red marching and strutting their stuff will probably welcome a whole army of them entering their country and taking them prisoner.

Such a man will probably fantasise about the rough treatment that would be meted out to him while being forced to learn Mandarin tied naked to a bed repeatedly raped and forced to spill his seed.

Any mistakes in pronunciation will result in having his face slapped by a well-manicured female hand.

Mistakes in intonation will result in having his hair pulled quite hard by slender feminine fingers.

After enough mistakes have been made and punished there will be an inevitable tumescence and ejaculation.

Watched by the other female soldiers, the most senior, beautiful, intelligent and talented one will mount this helpless and captive man, not even bothering to remove her tunic whose military stiffness will chafe his face while this unspeakable act is being performed on him. He will be ridden roughly and ruthlessly until he spills his seed in her.

Once impregnation is confirmed they are to be regarded as engaged.

Once the child is born his official position will be that of her sex slave and househusband for which the white European male is now trained properly in this country with schools that teach British boys mostly about sex ed and cookery but little else.

Thus is how I imagine the new blended master race will be created.

Thursday, 21 January 2010

An interesting ad in Private Eye 1254 22 Jan-4 February 2010

SEVEN ATTRACTIVE, CONFIDENT, WITTY SINGLE WOMEN (26 TO 34) seek similar men for London-based group dinner. Note, we're not prostitutes, con-artists, swingers or reality TV producers.


Tell us about yourself, and we'll tell you more about us.

Thursday, 14 January 2010

A properly-attired Muslim: "ornaments" = cleavage and thighs

Here is what I hope is an Islamic argument for the banning of the niqab for the protection of Muslims and the prevention of crime and Islamophobia.

24:31 contains the dress code for a properly-attired Muslim woman.

And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.

Way I look at it, no cleavage should be on view. That's it.

A woman's "ornaments" are her breasts and thighs.

Arguably, an ugly woman has no ornaments at all and everything about a beautiful woman is an ornament, including her eyes, which you cannot cover or you would be blinding her. I suppose you could argue that she should always wear sunglasses in a public place, but that would be impractical and extreme.

Having dealt with a woman's upper torso, we now, er, "lower our gaze" to her legs.

Therefore, you have some sort of sensible rule. I would suggest that modest dress includes skirts.

Let us say then that anything above a woman's knee is an ornament, and skirts, to be modest, should cover a woman's thighs.

In one morning I have single-handedly resolved and pronounced upon the proper dress code for all decent, right-minded women, Muslim and non-Muslim, for all time.

In a perfect world, I would be called upon to be the Mufti of Britain.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Why is Uganda attacking homosexuality?

Because it wants to distance itself from the West. It is all the fault of the proselytising pro-gay West whose Anglican Church allows gay bishops and they don't want to be like us.

Christian Africans are probably also tired of being taunted by Muslim Africans for being gay and want to show the world how tough they can be.

It is all the fault of PC-liberalism. If we weren't so pro-gay they wouldn't be so anti-gay.

It is all our fault.